It’s all very strange.
Usually I don’t feel very connected to my spiritual self. Not sure if that makes sense to say, but I just felt like I lacked the ability to see “signs” or to have a “spark”. A calling. Mostly, I just feel bland and regular. It’s not a particularly amazing feeling.
Anyway, so here I am taking career tests on my computer in my music room/office. (This is nothing new.) Three tests to be exact. I don’t know what came over me. I was so anxious to suddenly have the answers to everything. I say this like it doesn’t happen frequently, but if I’m being honest, it does. A lot. Even my silent prayers consist of the same questions over and over again. I picture my spirit guide somewhere rolling her eyes. “This…again??? Seriously?”
Me: ” Hi, whoever is there. There’s probably no one there, huh? Grandma? Uncle Gene? If I didn’t name you, sorry…no hurt feelings right?
Well if there is someone there, I KNEW it! I knew you were there all along and never doubted you for a second.”
“Can you please tell me what I’m doing wrong? Like I feel like I’m finally doing good, ya know? Things are in place and I really am happy. But something is missing. And whatever is missing is making me feel not completely capable of taking in all the happiness. It’s too good. Something’s up.
Give me a sign please. A sign that I’m doing good and putting energy into the right things. Should I be focusing more on music? It’s just…I love music but it’s not something I like to do EVERY day. Am I just wasting potential? I’m only good at music. That’s all I got. What am I without it?..I just…I’m not…”
(Blah, blah, blah. Okay, we’ll skip the self-deprecating part.)
“I really am grateful though. So grateful.”
(tears come because of how grateful I am)
“I love you. I miss you. I wish I could’ve known you more. I can’t wait to see you. I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
Back to point
After taking my whopping three career tests my top results were:
- Something involved with music
- Animator (Random so it got my attention even though I struggle to draw a stick-figure.)
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Me: “Hey. It’s me again…”
So I continue scrolling. Clicking. Scrolling. Opening new tabs. Then eventually I land on something written that catches my attention and read through it. Whatever it was, it must’ve said things that inspired me. And somewhere on the picture, or article, it had a website name. And I realize, what I was reading was from a blog.
The rest of that day was kind of a blur and it went by really fast. But long story short, I created my blog. I already had so many ideas of what I could talk about. Funny thing is, when I was around the age of 20, I also started a blog. (I’m 28…almost 30…but I’ll save that topic for another day). I’ve actually always fantasized being somewhere, traveling, blogging, hopefully inspiring someone else. I think back though, and 20 mustn’t have been the right time for me. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m an over-thinker and I’m very, annoyingly, over-analytical. All I needed was a new source to get out my thoughts, so I can really get back to what I love without questioning it…
Note to self
The self you daydream about, is just a version of you without doubts, fears, and over-analyzing. Take down those barriers, and your possibilities become endless.